This past Saturday I had a playdate. It was the first for me in a very long time. As I believe very much in journaling after intense experiences as a submissive, especially play sessions, I have decided that this is the place such writings should go.
I have to say it was a rather dream-like experience.
There was, of course, the initial awkwardness of playing with someone new. Nervous over whether things would go well, if we could play well together and feed each other’s energy, would I be the only one getting something out of the experience. Thank the kinky gods that I am picky about my play partners and make them work to prove that I am safe with them!
This Dom put in the effort over the course of the summer to show me that not only is he interested in my friendship, but he is knowledgeable and trustworthy in the BDSM arena as well. Facts that he proved almost immediately that day. I have never been one to initiate play. Quite frankly, I don’t have the first clue how to do it without feeling like a bumbling idiot. After about twenty minutes of skirting why we were both there, he just pulled me to him and took control.
It was gentle but firm. I could tell he was a bit nervous too, but he read me well and I was at ease faster than I thought I could be. There was an intense but easy exchange of energy between us that left me feeling so relaxed. I kid you not the man had me hovering on sub space and wanting to open completely for him. Oh – I didn’t, but if we keep playing together, I can see the possibility.
It’s been too long since I had the opportunity to completely settle into my submissiveness. Being a little isn’t always synonymous with being a submissive. This was a completely different experience — one that I have longed to have for many years. He was just the right mix of firm and tender. Patient and demanding all at once. It was a heady feeling. I honestly had to fight the urge to frenzy or to begin imagining future experiences as if I were a teenager. I am a grown woman who knows better, but it was nice to have that feeling.
The other unexpected part was that He actually did make me very wet. That doesn’t usually happen with those i am not emotionally involved with unless I make it happen. Oh not this time! My panties were soaked almost the second he got me in his grasp! It was quite the thrill!
By the time we were done, I felt so comfortable just letting him explore my submissiveness that I laid bound across his lap cuddled, yes I mean cuddled, against one of his arms as he gave me a spanking, and I don’t think a spanking has ever made me feel more at home.
I am feeling a little trepidation now, however. He says that he thoroughly enjoyed it, and I can tell you that I felt the physical testament to that fact, but he has gone into that Dom mode, or maybe it’s a male mode, of being vague with statements like “We’ll see.” and “Maybe.” I wasn’t expecting hearts and flowers, mind you, but I felt a genuine connection. Unexpected in its speed, sure, but there nonetheless. Did he not?
Why am I so neurotic about this? Am I a fool for hoping that this can be a more long-term arrangement? Perhaps. For now all I can do is sit upon the battlements of the walls I built around my most vulnerable parts and wait and see… I hate waiting.
As always, dearest reader, remember: This is your life; live it your way!