This week, we’re going specific and discussing orgasm control. Since we have four writers here with different views and experiences with the topic, we decided to collaborate to bring you the best of what we can offer.
Some of you probably have some preconceived notions of what orgasm control entails. Most of us did when we got into this. But it is more than what you might think, and it has many different applications, from denial to forced orgasms and everything in between. And the pay off is different with each.
So let’s dig into the wonderful world of orgasm control.
What Is Orgasm Control?
The very first thing that many people think of when it comes to orgasm control is the often-used rule that a submissive must ask permission to orgasm. It’s frequently the first rule that gets implemented when entering into a dynamic. It can be frustrating to begin with, always having to say “please” before you can fall into that wonderful chasm of chaos. More often than not, though, the Dominant’s pleasure lies in the possibility of saying “no” more than the actual denial of their submissive’s gratification.
Orgasm control often comes across as something for female submissives only, but it is also common among male subs. Frequent tools of the trade include cock cages, cock/ball rings, cock sheaths, ball sack weights, and some allow for cock and ball torture (CBT) items to be used.
This is also where chastity play comes in. Yes, it is true that many Dommes and their male subs enjoy caging and completely denying the submissive any sexual release, which is often what most think of when this kind of control comes up, but there is more to it. Chastity can simply mean being teased mercilessly and being told you cannot orgasm or cum. Illiana got to experience this first hand earlier this year. The masochist in her found that “no” very yummy. Drake, on the other hand, has had a lot of fun with chastity and has been practicing it for a few years now, so he will be bringing you a full post on this subject in the coming week where he will talk and explain more about chastity, male chastity in particular, with all of his usual flair!
Ruined orgasms are another part of orgasm control. This is the act of inciting the orgasm but removing all stimulation once it has begun. The result is a much less cataclysmic sexual release, leaving the orgasmer unsatisfied physically and still full of sexual tension. There are also forced orgasms, which can be very fun. A forced orgasm involves pushing past that point of feeling good and orgasming until it hurts – in a good way, of course.
Cumming or orgasming on command is, honestly, not something everyone can do. It takes a lot of training and just the right mindset. Even for those of us who can, it isn’t something that can happen with every partner. But, oh my! the instant response of the body and mind that comes when your Dominant whispers this command in your ear while in a public setting can be quite a thrill!
And don’t forget the simple order to make yourself orgasm. For many submissives, this will make us feel utterly controlled.
What’s in It for Me?
We are sure by now that you have noticed a few threads of what this can do for a sub. Almost any form of orgasm control can be very fulfilling for masochists. But what about those who aren’t masochists? More than anything, for us s-types, knowing that our D-types can and will control and/or play with our pleasure is a thrill all its own. It tells us that they are just as engaged in this thing we share as we are. We subs tend to enjoy knowing that our Doms want to play and tease and focus on our body and drawing the reactions they want from us.
When a submissive allows the Dom full control over their pleasure, it provides the Dominant a means to derive pleasure from this type of play. Control itself is a turn on and a source of pleasure for a Dominant, and assuming command of something so intimate as the submissive’s pleasure is a way of doubling down. The sub has no control over when or how or if they cum. It is up to the Dom. There’s also a sense of ownership of both the submissive and their orgasms – their pleasure is quite literally the Dominant’s because it belongs to the Dom. If a sub has an orgasm, it is the Dominant’s doing, a gift to the submissive.
There are also more than a few sadists who just enjoy the struggle of a sub who wants desperately to cum but will fight it for them. Often, those same sadists will then force the sub to orgasm. It’s a very intense thing that can amplify our feelings of dominance and submission, if only momentarily. The whimpers and cries that accompany those moments of pained pleasure – even the begging to stop while the Dominant is coaxing out one or two more orgasms – can be music to a Dom’s ears. Still others enjoy the sensuality of orgasm control – touching and teasing a submissive while they beg for that orgasm.
Orgasm control is particularly effective when combined with CBT. Having a male submissive watch porn or watch his Dom/me masturbate while wearing a cock cage and even forcing them to orgasm through the cage can be a pleasurable experience for the Dominant. For the sadist, gratification comes in part from the pain inflicted as the submissive swells in the cage while knowing they have to obey commands to orgasm anyway.
Teasing a submissive until they can barely contain themselves and then saying “no” when they ask permission to cum is also known as forced edging. Edging will make males cum harder and have a much larger load when they finally get to orgasm. A sadist may find a great deal of satisfaction after playing and edging for multiple hours or even days before allowing them to have that final release.
At the End of the Day…
Orgasm control is kind of the multitool in the BDSM toolbox. It can be used on its own or in conjunction with other aspects of kink. It’s often the first rule implemented in a dynamic and one of the ways most sexually involved dynamics use to feel connected to one another. It’s not always what we think it will be, but it can be quite a lot of fun!
As always, remember: This is your life; live it your way!