So after a rambling session with myself on paper, I’ve decided that my first post will be about D/s as a whole. What I see as the important things, things I have learned, and what I expect out of the D/s relationships I currently have or will have in the future. 

 

 

You Can’t Be On All The Time


You might think you should be this cold unfeeling God (or Goddess) of pleasure and pain, but realistically you can only keep this up for a night or two.  If it goes on for longer than that, it’s going to get tiring for you as well as your submissive.
 
For example, I have been diagnosed with major depression.  I have my good days and my bad days. It is more good than bad now. However, when I do have bad days, I let Illiana know.  She then knows not to expect a lot out of me as her dominant. She usually gives me a cuddle and tells me to run off and play Warframe (it’s a free-to-play game. If you are interested in hearing more, let me know.) or something else that will, hopefully, pull me out of my funk.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. If I am feeling up to it, we will talk about it; If something triggered it if I’m doing better, and any other various thing that comes with talking about depression.

I share this to show that while, yes, I am dominant towards Illiana, there are times where I am not able to perform as such and that is ok.  Sometimes it’s the Black Dog of depression, sometimes I’m just not in a dominant mood and simply want to cuddle with her. Being in a 24/7 dynamic can’t be whips and chains all the time.  Real life has a habit of rearing its head and dashing that fantasy.
 

Communication Is Key

As the saying goes, its all about communication, communication, and more communication. Everyone in the relationship should be able to talk about everything.  It’s super important in any relationship. Having a bad day? Talk about it. Having a good day? Talk about that. Having a “meh” day? Talk about that.

Dominants, you expect your submissive to tell you everything right?  What they are thinking, how they are feeling, if they liked something or hated it or are somewhere in-between. Submissives want and need the same thing. Hey, guess what? You’re human. You have feelings too.  And if a submissive doesn’t know how you are feeling, how are they going to serve you to the best of their abilities?
 
Let me give you a nugget of wisdom that I think is pretty rare nowadays. No one can read your mind. If your dominant or submissive is doing something you don’t like, you are going to have to tell them. They can’t just read your mind and know everything. The same goes with something they do that you love. If it makes you super happy and/or gets you hard as adamantium/wetter than a waterfall, let them know!  If there is just one thing you take away from this entry, let it be to talk about everything.
 

Trust is a Must

Trust is another big thing, and it’s pretty easy to understand.  Without trust, everyone is on guard for the worst. If a submissive can’t trust their Dominant to stay within the boundaries laid out beforehand, they will be constantly worried and that is going to ruin their experience.  If a Dominant can’t trust their submissive, there will be a lot of checking up on them and it will sour the fun of the evening.
 
And that is just for one evening, try to stretch that out to weeks, months or even years.  It’s not a fun thing to worry constantly because you don’t or can’t trust someone. And I hear you asking that question, “well if trust is so important, Drake, how do you go about building it?”  See the first half of this post? There’s your answer. Conversations. Talking about it. Getting to know someone. I see trust as a house of cards. It’s easy to build in principle, but it takes time and effort and it’s pretty easy for that house of cards to fall down into a pile.  And to take the analogy one step farther, after the house of cards fall, its easier for someone to walk away from it.
 
 
At The End of the Day…
 

Communication and trust are the big tent poles for any relationship; vanilla, kinky, poly, short-term, long-term, intimate, or not. You can’t have a good relationship without them.

 
Tune in next time, same kinky time, same kinky channel and remember: This is your life, live it your way! 
 
 
 
 
 

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