This week, we are looking at whether or not I leave enough space for new partners to shape our relationships to their needs when I envision those connections. I would like to think that I do. I don’t really try to pre-design connections and what they will look like. If I did, I think I might find myself disappointed more often than not.
A relationship of any kind has to have space for each person to grow and change. I would no more pigeon hole a person into being exactly what I wanted and needed than I would allow another to do that to me ever again.
As usual, though, I am going to break it down even further for you, dear reader.
What Do I Visualize About Potential Partners?
When daydreaming about potential future partners, I try to keep it to personality and not much else. There are of course some things that are prerequisites. One must be at least poly-friendly in order for me to even consider something plausible with them. They must respect my current partners and the fact that we have genuine relationships. And they have to be able to handle my littleness peeking out all over the place because that isn’t a role I play; it is a part of my personality.
Other than those few things, I hope that any future partner would be an open-minded, yet kind-hearted person. Of course, I am drawn to Dominant men, so that would be a huge plus. Mostly I visualize someone that I don’t have to explain every little thing about myself to. Someone who likes me for me. It’s really that simple. Were you thinking that I was going to describe some tall, dark, and handsome thing? It’s not about looks or money or anything else so superficial for me. All those things can disappear with time or a bad turn of luck. I hope for something deeper.
Who’s Calling the Shots?
No matter what you visualize for your potential partners, they should be just that. Partners. No one person should call the shots or decide how things are going to be. And before you ask, yes, that goes for my fellow kinksters, not just me. We all want to ensure our partners’ happiness, but that should never come at the expense of our own. Leaving space for them to shape the relationship to their needs doesn’t have to mean allowing them change you or override your needs on a regular basis.
I used to be that person. I lost myself in trying to make myself what my partners wanted me to be and make their lives as perfect for them as I could. I literally forgot that I had a voice and a right to use it, to stand up for the things that I want and need. I forgot that it was okay to be me, and if they didn’t want me as I was, we probably shouldn’t be involved with one another.
Of course every connection, from friendships to romantic relationships, needs a little give and take. I say there has to be room for growth a lot on here, but there has to be room to build a solid foundation from the start. No one wants to dig into granite when they can travel a little upriver and find a perfectly lovely plateau to build on.
Expect the Unexpected
As I have stated before, you never know where, when, or with whom you are going to connect. If you build up a thing in your mind so much that it becomes carved in stone, you might miss something truly wonderful.
Along with space for new partners to shape a relationship to their needs as well as yours, it also takes time. Often times the strongest connections come from unexpected places and only reveal themselves with time. That time is actually where a lot of that shaping takes place. The growth of a solid friendship promotes that give and take.
It’s often from the most unexpected place that I find the most intense connections. Sometimes it’s someone that I was convinced wanted nothing to do with me. Other times it’s someone that I just hadn’t considered the possibility of being with. Don’t visualize so much that you miss those miraculous moments.
At the End of the Day…
Daydreaming about what you want in your life and future is perfectly normal and acceptable, just as long as you leave room and make time for the other person’s dreams to be built as well. Try not to decide where that connection is going to come from or how. After all, It’s about all parties involved, not just one.
As always, remember: This is your life; live it your way!