Welcome to another More Than Two’s Day! This week we are combining two questions from the second chapter of the book and looking at changes in relationships. If my relationships change, is that okay? Can I accommodate that change, even if it is unexpected or I don’t like it?
As with most of these questions, the answers here can be simple. Though you and I both know that I am going to go much deeper than a simple yes or no answer, don’t we? Let’s get to it!
Seasons Change, So Do We
This is actually the quote in my planner for this week. Autumn is just around the corner, and it is the season of change. The temperature must drop, the leaves must fall, the summer sun must give way to winter clouds. All of this has to happen in order for the trees and flowers to bloom in spring. Things must die to allow other things to live. It is the way of nature.
People are no different. We go through our own seasons of life, growing and changing in every moment. Why on earth would I expect that my relationships would be any different?
Sure, we all believe at some point that we will meet that one person who makes everything wonderful and perfect, and it will always be that way, but as we become more aware of the world, we realize that change has got to happen to keep a relationship alive.
If the relationship is a healthy one, it will grow and change. It will become something far more than the seed of attraction that it starts out as. It will go through seasons of struggle and stagnation, but it will also go through glorious seasons of bright blooms as we discover new and amazing things about each other as well as ourselves, as well as long days of simply soaking up the sun as we learn to just enjoy the simple pleasure of being with one another.
I look back on my life and loves now and think, “If that relationship had gone a different way, this one after it might never have happened, and look at what I would have missed!” Or, “If this relationship hadn’t have been strong enough to bend, there would have been no room for this one over here to grow.” It’s an amazing thing to look at change and see it not as an enemy but as the ally that it is!
Going With the Flow
The question of my accommodating change is a tricky one.
Most of us like to believe we handle things better than we actually do, so I asked Daddy and Draggy what they think of how I handle change. Here’s what I learned from their perspectives:
I actually DO handle changes in my relationships really well – as long as I see them coming. I am even good at accepting and accommodating changes that I don’t necessarily like. I might grumble for a minute, but I will quickly get over that grumbling stage and find a way to make things work. For me, there usually just isn’t another option.
In my mind, it’s a choice between being strong enough to bend and grow or losing my relationships. Unless the change is one that is unhealthy for me and my partners, I am almost always going to put on my big girl panties and learn to go with the flow.
Earthquakes and Lightning Bolts
Unfortunately, my weak spot is unexpected change. I absolutely despise being blindsided. A rather nightmarish past has conditioned me to expect nothing but pain and heartache from unexpected change.
Daddy says that most people get kind of sideways about unexpected change, but I get completely upside down. I get angry and defensive before breaking down into a crying, fearful, insecure mess. Unexpected changes make me feel like my world is in chaos, and I am no longer safe. Since I have never been a flyer in the whole fight or flight debate, I settle in for a battle against whatever may be threatening me, real or imagined.
The strange thing is that I don’t fight the actual change. I fight against the consequences of it. And I don’t fight for long. Give me a few days, and I will begin to simply wallow in my discontent and even that stage only lasts another week or two. I just can’t live in a state of fear like that. Eventually I have to crawl out of it and face the changes, learn to accept and adjust to them, and just find a way to be happy in those changes.
At the End of the Day…
Change is going to happen. It happens all around us every day. If we don’t find a way to go with the flow of nature in our relationships, they will inevitably die. If we choose to grow with and celebrate change, we will probably find life and love are much more pleasurable experiences.
As always, remember: This is your life; live it your way!!