This week we are discussing sexual availability in D/s relationships. What is this, you ask? Sexual availability is when the sub makes themselves sexually available to their Dominant at all times. This seems to be right up there with asking permission to orgasm, perhaps even tied with it, for the first thing implemented in many dynamics.
This blogger isn’t so sure it should be.
I am by no means suggesting that any s-type should take my view and lay a hard “no” down on the negotiation table when this topic comes up. My aim today is simply to offer food for thought.
My Body Is Yours
The first thing many of us jump to when we think of the term sexual availability is, obviously, intercourse. Yes, being available for intercourse if and when your Dominant wants it is a part of this idea, but it isn’t anywhere close to all of it.
Sexual availability can mean many things. It means beings available for anything sexual. Touching on last week’s post, orgasm control is a part of this in many dynamics. It means that you are open to getting that order to cum or to edge yourself at any time your Dominant feels the urge. You are open to being felt up by your Dominant, touched intimately at any point, teased into a heated frenzy by touch or word without any say as to when it happens.
With sexual availability comes the possibility of having your attire controlled to some degree or being told to disrobe at any point. Sexy pics can even be tossed into this arena. There are some Total Power Exchanges, fully negotiated and consented to, where this includes the Dominant being able to grant the privilege of using a sub’s body to an outside person.
Or Is It?
Sounds pretty sexy, right? It can be, but there is a lot to consider here. Sexual availability takes a great deal of trust and care between partners. In the past, this blogger has had Dominants who mistook this idea to mean that my health, happiness, and pleasure no longer mattered in the relationship or that all of that was centered solely on their health, happiness, and pleasure. Unfortunately, I have seen others with the same misunderstanding.
A sexually available submissive is great from the Dominant’s view, I am sure. But we are still people, and there are still things to consider.
For starters, a Dominant must consider the company. Especially if there are children in the house. In the middle of family dinner may not be the best time to order your sub to cum unless that is something you have negotiated. one must also be careful when playing with this idea when the submissive partner is in the workplace. I know a few people who have lost their job over these things.
Perhaps paramount in this consideration is this: “Don’t break your toys”
If a submissive is injured, ill, or otherwise unwell, right then is not the time to demand your Domly right to their body. After all, you want their best, right? No one is at their best in these moments and insisting on sexual activity could, in some cases exacerbate whatever condition ails a submissive. The same idea goes for reciprocation. Unless otherwise agreed to, the Dominant has the responsibility of ensuring that the submissive partner is getting their enjoyment from sexual activities as well. Completely denying a sub without negotiations can, in fact, break your toy… or at least make for a very unhappy partner.
Also, it’s not a twenty-four-seven boink fest, folks! Life still has to go on. Things still need to get done. Once-in-awhile interruptions, or even regular interruptions, for sexy time is fine, but it’s not meant to be an all-day, everyday thing. The chores must be completed, and I think it says a lot more about the Dominant who consistently interrupts the tasks of his submissive for sexual gratification and then complains about the submissive’s tasks not getting done than it does about the submissive.
Poly D/s and Sexual Availability
As you all know, this blogger is a poly submissive. This means that I have added parameters to my sexual availability. This particular aspect takes some serious negotiations, y’all! All my partners and I get together with any new partner and hash out what works and what doesn’t.
When it comes to my personal way of running this aspect of my submission, it’s first come, first served. If Draggy orders me to cum then Daddy wants me to edge, guess what? That’s the order it will happen in. I also expect my partners to respect my time with my other partners. If I am in another partner’s home or bed, or even out with them, their demands of me sexually come first – aside from assigned tasks.
Speaking of that, those sexual tasks are often mentioned in the negotiating process and everyone backs them up. If Daddy wants naked pictures of me, but I am in Tennessee with Draggy, Draggy will probably be the one behind the camera.
My partners also have to be a bit more aware of my time. I am not Super Sex Girl, though I may wish I were, and I need to get stuff done too. This blog and running my home cannot take a backseat to sex all the time. A good midday romp to relieve some stress every once in a while is good, just not every day. With multiple Dominants, I can be overwhelmed quite easily if everyone is not being considerate of the nature of our arrangements.
At the End of the Day…
Sexual availability is a component of many dynamics. It’s a wonderful addition, but it takes trust, especially on the part of the submissive, and care from the Dominant. It may not be the wisest thing to implement blanket sexual availability at the onset of a dynamic. Beginning small and slowly building towards it is a much better option! And That goes double for those of us who are polyamorous.
As always, remember: This is your life; live it your way!
What are your thoughts on sexual availability? let me know in the comments below or send me an email.